


'cause I'm still in love with an angel

by allmadeofstardust



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Brainwashing, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Vulnerability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:47:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27566242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allmadeofstardust/pseuds/allmadeofstardust
Summary: When you're in love and you can't show it, you have no other choice but to hide it.or5 times Beau & Yasha kept their cool & 1 time Beau didn't.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha
Comments: 4
Kudos: 150





	'cause I'm still in love with an angel

**Author's Note:**

> these disaster lesbians live in my head rent free

i - Sparring

Sparring with Yasha was soothing.

Granted, it wasn’t relaxing by most normal terms. The barbarian barely relented and neither did Beau, and it left them both panting heavily only a few rounds in, but something about the structure of the fight, the routine nature of it all, kept Beau sane. Calm, even.

The Nein’s recent treks had left them all exhausted, and had made Beau wired. She had barely slept the past several nights, electing to meditate, or attempt to - she usually found herself staring out into the night and would almost forget to wake Caleb for the next watch.

Today, Yasha was giving her a distraction, and by the gods she  _ needed _ it.

She heaved another breath as she threw another punch, and this time Yasha let her fist collide with her shoulder, only to take her momentum and pull her forward. Beau rolled into it and recovered quickly, settling her feet down as she squared up again, and Yasha smiled. She blew a wisp of hair away from her face, and Beau was momentarily caught by how the sun shone down through the strands, haloing her in golden rays.

She didn’t see the incoming blow in time, and only just managed to slap Yasha’s fingers aside so that the impact landed on her arm and not her face. It still hurt like hell, and Beau fell back, signaling for a time out as she rubbed at her arm, cursing.

“Oh! I’m so sorry, Beau,” Yasha said, moving forward to comfort her, but Beau shrugged her off.

“It’s nothing, really.” She flexed her muscles, forcing the last of the soreness away with pure spite.

“Was the sun in your eyes or something?” Yasha asked.

Beau tensed up. Far from her to say anything remotely close to the truth of the matter, so she simply nodded.

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s totally what happened.”

She tried to blink away the way Yasha’s concerned face was making her feel something soft in her stomach. She chalked it up to something in Caduceus’ stew.

“Would you like to take a - ” Yasha began.

“Yes,” Beau replied, grateful. Yasha smiled and began unwrapping her hands. Beau did the same, watching the woman as she walked across the way towards the rest of the group. The sun was still making the white in her hair almost glow.

Beau flexed her unwrapped fingers and kicked at the dirt beneath her. She  _ really _ didn’t need to be thinking about this shit.

Yasha waved her over, lifting a bowl of tonight’s dinner in offering. Beau bit her lip and focused on the least attractive thing she could find, as a distraction. Her eyes settled on Caleb, and she laughed at her own stupid joke as she made her way over to the group.

ii - Charmed

Yasha wasn’t familiar with magic all that much, despite travelling with several magic users in the party. It wasn’t her modus operandi and she regretted it sometimes, but she was usually already calming down from her rage, wiping the enemy’s blood off her blade, by the time it really mattered.

This - this was important. This mattered. Whatever had hit Beau  _ mattered _ , and with Caleb out of commission, bleeding on the ground, and the others scattered elsewhere in the dungeon, it was up to Yasha to handle it.

Problem was, she wasn’t entirely sure she  _ could _ .

She recognized a charm spell when she saw it, that much was certain. She’d seen something like this affecting Caleb, hell, she’d felt the effects herself, albeit fiercer and utterly devastating. That experience did nothing to quell the fear in her chest as Beau stared at her with dead eyes and raised her staff.

Her first hit went wide as Yasha deflected it with her sword, sending Beau skittering off to one side, maintaining perfect balance.

“Beau, snap out of it,” Yasha pleaded, but Beau didn’t even blink. The monk simply narrowed her eyes and lunged again, this time slipping past Yasha’s defense and pummeling her back with fists. She felt Beau’s fingers hit something vital, and Yasha let out a cry as she stumbled to one knee, using her sword as leverage to keep her standing.

“Beauregard,” she begged as the woman retreated, eying her next target. “Come on,  _ please _ .”

Something akin to recognition flashed briefly in Beau’s eyes, but just as quickly vanished. She moved forward again. Yasha was quicker. She forced her way past the pain in her back with rage she vowed would not be lethal and swung her sword towards Beau’s arm. Her intent was to disarm her, and it almost worked, the blade cutting a gash into her skin deep enough to make her yell in pain and misjudge her attack, slipping past Yasha harmlessly. She stuck her foot out and managed to trip Beau up, but she clung to the bow staff like a lifeline.

“Beau,” Yasha panted as the monk stumbled back to her feet. It looked as if she was fighting something invisible, her face occasionally contorting into annoyance, anger. Her eyes were still glassy. “I’m not going to make this easy.”

This time the attack was sloppy, and Yasha, remembering a sparring session from what seemed like forever ago, grabbed Beau’s incoming fist and  _ twisted _ . She heard a crack as the bone snapped, and Beau screamed as she collapsed to the ground. Yasha felt almost sick as she watched her friend curl up, cradling her broken wrist, but her eyes had cleared. She looked around, breathing desperately, before settling on Yasha.

“What the  _ fuck _ , Yasha?!” she demanded, her usual biting tone returned at last. Yasha sagged to the floor in relief.

“I’m sorry,” she said as she carefully approached Beau. “You - you were...gone, and I had to bring you back.”

“Fine way of doing it!” she shrieked, but the way her face was filled with relief showed Yasha that she was secretly grateful.

“I need to find the others,” Yasha said, taking a deep breath and trying not to think of how poorly the entire situation could have gone. Tried not to think of Beau facing her down when she wasn’t herself. Like Yasha had once been. “Can you take care of Caleb?”

Beau seemed to only just now notice the bleeding out wizard, and she rushed over to him, her wrist still pinned tightly to her chest.

“Yeah, yeah, I got it,” she reassured Yasha, who nodded and stood, heading towards the entrance of the room.

“Hey Yasha?”

She stopped at Beau’s voice. The monk was busy trying to put pressure on Caleb’s wounds and wasn’t looking at her, but Yasha could see her tense shoulders.

“T - thanks,” she whispered.

“Of course.”

She saw Beau relax slightly, and she forced herself to do the same too.

iii - Shopping

Shopping with Yasha made things surprisingly easy. She had a presence about her that made shopkeeps think twice about trying to scam them, and yet she still smiled happily when they managed a good haul.

Today Caleb had elected to spend his free time researching whatever he’d found in his newest book, and had sent Beau out with his laundry list of items that he needed. Beau scanned the supplies and sighed.

“Hard to get?” Yasha asked as she peered over Beau’s shoulder at the parchment.

“Hard to  _ find _ ,” Beau said, exasperated. “Leave it to the wizard to send  _ me _ on a wild goose chase to get this shit.”

“Well, it’s not so bad,” Yasha said, peering out over the crowd, on which she had a decent six inches of purchase. “The crowd’s don’t seem as busy, and I am in good company.”

She said the words so casually Beau almost didn’t register them. That being said, she stumbled over her next footfall and had to rely on her staff to keep her upright as Yasha looked down at her with concern.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine!” Beau squeaked out, brushing off her coat like she had  _ meant _ to almost fall on her face. “We need some, uh,  _ parchment _ ! Paper, yeah, paper and ink for the boring wizard…”

She took off in a random direction, not daring to look Yasha in the eye, but the woman followed her closely.

They found a few shops without much trouble, procuring what Caleb needed. Beau grumbled curses at the man as she struggled awkwardly under the misshapen carton of whatever the hell this component was. Yasha stepped in and easily removed it, allowing Beau to right herself and pick up the other box of paper and ink.

“Thanks, Yasha,” she sighed, trying her damndest not to blush as she saw how effortlessly the woman carried the carton with one arm. Beau should have been able to do that. She  _ wanted  _ to. Wanted to show off that she, too, could be strong, so maybe then Yasha would - 

She was practically asking for the cart to appear in her path, yet it still surprised her. She dropped the paper box as she went into full fight mode, dodging out of the way as it narrowly whooshed by her nose.

“Beau!” Yasha shouted, pulling her backwards by the collar. The box of Caleb’s paper sat overturned on the pavement below, and Beau detached herself from Yasha and knelt immediately to gather its contents up again, hiding her face from Yasha.

As she was putting the last of the ink bottles - thankfully unbroken - back into the box, she felt a hand on her shoulder that turned into a helpful lift as Yasha guided Beau back into a standing position.

“You’re starting to worry me, Beau,” she said, smiling.

“Me? Worry you? I’m fine, see!”

She gestured to the box and her unharmed self.

“Now come on, Caleb’s probably waiting.”

She turned and walked away before the heat in her cheeks could show.

iv - Bleeding out

At the end of a battle, when her rage was still dying down, it was hard for Yasha to fully comprehend everything around her. Things still gleamed white hot at the edges of her vision, and her heart rate was still pounding in her ears. Usually she’d take a moment or two to cool off, to clear her head.

But now, coming down from an intense battle against some gnolls, she found herself by the edge of their encampment, and Beau was there. And she wasn’t in a good way.

Even Yasha, blinded by anger, could see the blood pooling underneath Beau’s head, and before she even knew what she was doing she had fallen to her knees beside her. She slid her hands underneath the monk gently as she tried to assess the damage, the sounds around her distant and muffled but for her heartbeat, solid and sound. Unlike Beau’s.

She glanced up and found the rest of the party on the other side of the camp, apparently tending to a dazed Jester. She thought she screamed for help but it was very hard to tell in the moment, when all she could think about was bloodlust and the way Beau’s body was limp underneath her hands.

She felt something tug at the back of her mind, ethereal and unfeeling, just a simple voice, telling her to  _ heal, heal, heal _ .

She wrapped her fingers around Beau’s head with the utmost caution, and found a faint glow emanating from beneath them. A moment later, and Beau was breathing again, coughing against an unseen force, while Yasha held her.

The last of her rage ebbed away as someone entered her field of vision - Caduceus, frowning in concern as he bent over Beau, who was now groaning, holding her head. She opened her eyes, found Yasha’s, and beamed, though it honestly looked more like a grimace.

“Hold on there,” Caduceus said softly as he extended his hand.

A minute later things were settled. Beau was sitting up fully and talking animatedly with Caleb about whatever loot they’d managed to find, but occasionally she would glance over her shoulder at Yasha and smile.

“You did a good thing,” Caduceus remarked next to her.

“Oh?”

“She might not have made it the extra minute it took for me to get over here,” he explained, nodding towards Beau.

Yasha shrugged.

“It was nothing, really.”

“ _ Nothings _ can make a lot of difference in the world, I’ve found.”

Yasha didn’t have an answer to that. She just watched Beau taking deep  _ alive _ breaths.

v - Braids

The girls were having a hair braiding party.

It had been Jester’s idea - the previous day had been a bit stressful, and she claimed they all needed a detox of wine, cheese, pillow forts, and hair braiding. Beau wasn’t about to complain. She had even suggested that Caleb join the fun, but Jester had insisted that there be no boys allowed, and Beau had smirked at the almost disappointed look on the wizard’s face.

Now Nott was fiddling with Jester’s blue locks while Beau ran her hands through Yasha’s. The black and white hair was supple and soft underneath her fingers, and surprisingly easy to braid - there were already some in it, albeit messy and somewhat tangled.

Jester filled the silence with stories about the Traveller which Nott occasionally laughed at, inserting her own anecdotes, and Beau lapsed into comfortable tranquility. Yasha’s hair became more and more covered with tiny braids, most of which hung there because she didn’t know much about intricately weaving them together.

“Switch time!” Jester announced happily. Nott let out a whoop of joy and immediately settled in below Jester’s feet, grinning. Yasha looked up happily at Beau as she slid off the bed and onto the floor, slightly nervous. What was she nervous about? Why was she worried about Yasha?

“Beau, may I…?” Yasha asked. She was lifting Beau’s ponytail in questioning.

“Yeah, of course!” Beau waved her on. She felt her hair be pulled out of its tie and fall onto her back, and she realized that, not for the first time, she felt vulnerable around Yasha.

It was a good feeling.

Yasha took her hair and began to braid. Jester was mostly silent now as she focused on Nott’s hair, leaving Beau to close her eyes and lean her head back in contentment.

“Beau, I can’t…”

“Oh, shit, right! Sorry, Yasha.”

She pulled herself forward and was grateful for her position so she could hide her blush.

Yasha was excellent in her craft, and Beau realized why all those other braids in her hair were so refined. Beau sighed as she felt Yasha scrape her fingernails gently across her scalp, picking up finer hairs and pulling them tightly but oh so gracefully back. Beau could feel it all being pulled into something detailed and interesting, and she took the chance of comfort and quiet to  _ breathe _ .

Too soon it was over, as Yasha coughed slightly and nudged Beau with her foot.

“I’m done,” she whispered.

Beau glanced over to the others. Jester was suppressing a giggle as she looked down at Nott, who was fast asleep and drooling a little, her hair done up in a lovely side braid.

“We should go,” Beau said quietly, and Jester smiled up at them and nodded. They retreated to the hallway, and only now did Beau have a chance to feel at her hair. Where she would normally tie it up was now replaced with a masterfully woven pleat, folding in on itself until all her hair was braided together. She managed to catch a glimpse of it in the glass of the window, and she gasped at how good it looked on her.

“ _ Wow _ , Yasha.”

Yasha smiled.

“It’s not much.”

“It’s crazy, where’d you learn to do this?”

Yasha’s face fell.

“Um...back home. In Xhorhas.”

Beau bit her tongue before she could go further.

“It’s nice,” she attempted, trying to keep the mood light.

“I’m glad.”

They found their own room and ducked inside, Beau taking a moment to collect herself.

“This, um….this was fun,” she said at the wall behind her bed. She thought she heard Yasha laugh.

“Yes, it was. Thank you for my braids.”

“Mine too!”

“Well...goodnight.”

“Night,” Beau said shortly, and climbed into bed.

The next morning, she could have sworn she saw Caleb looking enviously at her braids.

*****************

vi - Captured

It was supposed to be a simple scouting mission. They had left the rest of the Nein behind in an effort to thin out the group. Less of a threat to whoever they were about to face.

It had  _ sounded _ like a smart plan. Then the bastards had jumped them, and Beau and Yasha had fought, and something had hit Yasha  _ hard _ , and then a fucking witch bolt had dug into Beau’s clavicle, and now she was lying on the ground, writhing in pain, trying to alleviate the sheer electricity that was flying through her skin as she tried to fight  _ back _ .

The fight was over just as quickly as it had started, and she couldn’t hear Yasha. She tried calling her name but all that came out were ragged gasps as the magical energy crept further into her body.

Just as quickly it stopped, leaving her panting on the ground, struggling to move.

“Get her up,” someone ordered from far away, and she felt a pair of heavy hands drag her to her feet and pin her in place. She took in her surroundings - someone big holding her, a man in a crownsguard’s uniform standing in front of her, and Yasha, lying still and unmoving on the ground.

“Yasha!” Beau called, trying and failing to get out of the hands of her captor. She felt  _ exhausted _ , and the pain from the bolt had drained her, leaving her barely standing, but Yasha looked  _ worse _ , and she needed to get to her.

The crownsguard paid no mind to her struggles as he took a step forward, peering at her from several inches above.

“Do you know who I am?” he asked.

“The fuck should I know?” Beau snapped back at him. She hated the fact that she was mostly relying on her captor’s strength to keep herself standing.

The crownsguard frowned.

“It is no matter, really.”

He turned back to Yasha and pulled out a knife.

“ _ No _ !” Beau let out a strangled cry and tried to rush forward, but got halfway through her movement before exhaustion hit her in full force, and her captor easily pulled back. The crownsguard - if he even was that, disguises were a  _ thing _ \- knelt by Yasha’s head and pushed back some of her hair.

“Pretty braids,” he inexplicably remarked, and Beau had one flash of a night full of laughter and warmth before he was dragging Yasha up. He was stronger than he looked, the woman’s deadweight seemingly nothing in his grasp. He pointed the knife towards Beau.

“You like your friend, don’t you?”

Beau seethed where she stood.

“You’re going to tell me where the rest of your group is.”

Anger like she’d never felt coursed through her, and the only thing that kept her from pushing her way to freedom through pure  _ spite _ was how close that knife was to Yasha’s skin.

“What do you want with them, you fucker?” Beau demanded. “Cuz if it’s more of  _ this -  _ ”

She shook a restrained arm at her surroundings.

“ - then you’re getting  _ shit _ .”

“I would hope that my interactions with them would be more hospitable than this one.”

Beau scoffed.

“Besides, I’m really only interested in one member.”

“Who - ”

“Do you think I will tell you?”

Beau growled in frustration. The man responded by forcing Yasha up slightly and pressing the knife to her throat.

“You have one minute.”

Beau forced down every raging fear she had in an effort to remain calm.

“Listen.”

It wasn’t quite working. Her heartbeat was racing in her ears, her breath coming in short bursts.

“We can work out a deal here. I know a hell of a lot of other information that you might find more - ”

“Forty-five seconds.”

Beau let out a ragged sigh of desperation. She felt at her captor’s hold on her - a simple grapple. She could have gotten out of it easily if she weren’t so goddamn  _ weak  _ from the fight.

“Thirty seconds.”

“You don’t know what you’re doing,” Beau grumbled. “We’re going to  _ annihilate _ you.”

“I’ll take my chances. Fifteen.”

Beneath him, Beau could just barely see Yasha’s eyes beginning to open.

_ I need to buy time _ .

“Don’t, please, don’t!” she cried, her attempts to pass off as desperate and afraid all too real. “Don’t, I’ll help you, alright, that’s what you want?”

She kept her eyes on Yasha as the false crownsguard narrowed his eyes.

“Tell me where they are,” he repeated. Yasha was blinking her eyes, confused.

“Please,” Beau begged, but she wasn’t talking to him. “Please, just…”

Yasha’s eyes met hers, and she gave an almost imperceptible nod.

“You’re not helping me,” the crownsguard said darkly. “I thought you cared about - ”

“I do! I do, I - ” Beau was stammering now, the false desperation giving way to truth. “You have no idea how  _ much _ I care, so why don’t you just - ”

The man shook his head, almost disappointed, and moved the knife sharply downwards.

Yasha got there first.

In one swift movement she grabbed the man’s wrist and  _ twisted _ . Beau heard the crack echo through the woods around them and as he screamed Yasha forced herself out of his grasp. She was still hurt, Beau could see the blood now, but she was  _ awake _ , and as she looked up at Beau, she saw Yasha’s eyes go white with rage.

Beau didn’t really know when the woman had collided with her captor, for as soon as the support underneath her gave out, she slumped to the ground, hissing as her injured shoulder collided with a tree root. She managed to see Yasha pound her captor’s skull in, before turning to the false crownsguard, who was groaning in pain as he clutched his broken wrist. Yasha kicked him in the head before he could say a single word. His nose broke with a solid snap, and he fell limp.

Yasha took several heavy breaths as her rage ended, facing away from Beau, before turning towards her, concern in her eyes. She took a step, then fell to her knees as the wound in her side leaking blood took its toll. Beau forced herself up and crawled over to Yasha, threading an arm around her chest. With a great exhausting heave, she pushed them both to their feet.

“You good?” Beau asked Yasha. She was spitefully ignoring how shaky her legs were as she held the woman’s enormous weight.

Yasha nodded and turned her head slightly to look at Beau.

“Do you really feel that way?”

“Sorry?”

“That you care. A lot.”

She had picked the absolute shittiest time to breach the topic, because without her usual methods of stealth or stoicism, the blush that crept into her cheeks was palpable and real.

“Let’s just...get back to the group.”

“Beau…”

“Yeah, I do, okay? Of course I do. You’re...you’re really cool, Yasha.”

_ Gods _ she was horrible at this. She blamed the trauma her body was in now, and not the fact that she couldn’t flirt with Yasha on a  _ good _ day.

“I - ” Yasha didn’t really seem to know how to respond to that. Beau figured it was the blood loss. At least, she hoped it was. Not a lack of feeling mutual.

“We should go,” Beau interjected, eager to get away from this. “We’ll find the others, figure this whole mess out.”

Yasha nodded.

“Yeah...sounds good. Let’s, uh….let’s go.”

Beau took a tentative step forward and found, blessedly, that she was able to bear Yasha’s weight.

“Hey Beau?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

Beau faltered on the next step but managed to keep them both aloft.

“Yeah, well, don’t - don’t let it get to your head, okay? I still need you to save me sometimes, yknow?”

She saw Yasha smile.

“I always will.”

The answer gave Beau enough of a warm feeling inside her to keep moving.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to thank my brain for letting me get obsessed over this goddamn fandom so much that I've now written three whole fics in the span of two months (wtf is wrong with me)
> 
> Also thanks to thalia-amongst-the-thorns on Tumblr for giving me the idea for this fic - she wanted something BeauYasha and episode 115 just happened so here we are


End file.
